Tuesday, October 13, 2015

To the weary mama...

I recently started using "Periscope" to share things placed upon my heart. I hope that this brings you some encouragement today! Feel free to share if you think someone you know could use it too! :)


Monday, October 12, 2015

Some days...

There are days that I just want to throw up my hands in defeat as a mom. Sometimes I just sit back and listen to them go at each other and wonder "where did I go wrong?!?". Now don't get me wrong, they can make this mama's heart soar as well! I love nothing more than hearing them put the other's needs before theirs, tell each other how much they love them, and just play nicely together! Oh how I treasure those sweet moments!! I need those moments quickly accessible in my mind during the ugly ones! However, there are some days it seems as if the ugly moments outweigh the beautiful ones. And that wounds this mama's heart. I feel like I have failed in teaching them how to love each other with Christ-like love and grace. I bury my head in my hands in resignation and frustration. What did I do wrong? Do I not model grace well? What can I do to teach them better? But then I stop. And I am reminded that, although it IS my responsibility to teach and model these things, it's not my responsibility to change their hearts. I CANNOT do that, no matter how much I try. THAT is the work that only the Holy Spirit can do. And ultimately it IS a heart issue. We are born with a heart condition that can only be cured/healed by the Master Healer. My beautiful precious babies are just as much of a wandering, heart-sick, sinner as I am. Yes, we are teaching them to know and love Jesus- but true heart change (and understanding) can take time. Transformation is a process- and a slow one at that. It's in those ugly moments that I need to remember that I have ugly moments too. I HAVE been transformed by the incredible grace of the cross but that does not mean I have achieved perfection. And I won't- this side of heaven. In those difficult moments, instead of looking at my children through the world's eyes- I need to look at them through the lens that Jesus uses. Because it's then that I recognize my own shortcomings, and can see all more clearly the beauty that is in the cross. :)

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Hey ya'll! So I know it's only been a few days since I had my "Jonah moment" revelation. But I just had to share how incredibly FREEING that has been! I almost don't believe it myself! Ha! It struck me how easily it is to miss what God may be telling you. We can become so lost in the "noise" of life that we don't hear the Shepard calling. And the crazy thing is, is that I THOUGHT I was listening to what He was telling me! And maybe all of those steps were necessary ones in order for me to get here. Maybe not. But I do know that I took those steps, and now here I am. It's also amazing to me how once I committed to this path, how quickly the enemy snuck in and tried to distract me again. I was allowing other areas of service to cloud the path that He had chosen for me. I told my husband that I literally feel like a fog has lifted! It has affected every area of my life too! I know this is just the beginning, and I'm sure I have challenges ahead. But it's SO incredibly comforting to know that I am walking the path that I'm supposed to be on.

Some of the best advice my husband and I ever received was during a really dark time in our lives. We had literally been hit with everything under the sun- all within a few months. Death, job loss, sickness, financial trouble, etc. Ya'll, that takes a toll on you- especially when you are trying to figure out what God is telling you and you're not hearing anything! We sought the counsel of a pastor at our church and he gave us some advice that has stuck with me ever since. He said, "Sometimes God gives you a very clear and distinct answer or path that He wants you to follow. But sometimes, He gives you the freedom to choose- as long as you are doing it for His glory.". I think the latter is the case most of the time, personally. But in this case, I think the former is true. It makes me laugh to think of how free I feel, when the thing that He is calling me to do terrifies me! It's a very strange mix of emotions! But, if it's His path then I have nothing to fear! :) I would love for you to join me on this journey! I need prayer the most! If you think of it, would you pray for me? Pray that God will use me for His glory, the right doors will be opened and closed, and that distractions would not deter me from this path. I don't know what this all looks like yet- but that's part of the fun, right? ;) So if you are wrestling with something or unsure of what God has for you, seek counsel, PRAY that He will make it clear if He has something specific, and let yourself be open to what He has to say to you! Thanks friends and may God bless you as you seek Him! :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

My "Jonah" story

So it has been made very apparent to me that I'm no good at this consistent blogging thing lol! I WANT to be, so I will keep trying! Thank you for your patience!

Life is interesting, isn't it? There are so many ups and downs, curves and twists, highs and lows. There seem to be a lot of learning seasons too. I'm in one of those seasons currently. (When are we not, really?) God has been been dropping blatant hints at me, that my thick head is finally starting to comprehend. It's always amazing to me how "blaze orange" these hints are when I finally realize they are there! Ha! So let me back up and give you some history behind these recent revelations.

8 years ago I began to have a reoccurring dream that terrified me. I dreamt that I was speaking in front of a huge group of women. Now that may not sound all that terrifying to you, but when the class you HATED the most in school was public speaking, and the thought of speaking in front of people made you want to wet yourself, then that kind of dream IS terrifying- especially when your spirit tells you that it's not just a figment of your own imagination. It becomes even MORE terrifying when random people start asking you (who don't know about the dream) "Have you ever thought of speaking?"! The color drains from you face, you become sick to your stomach, and you begin to realize that God may be trying to tell you something. It was then that I felt something stirring in my soul- that God had some bigger plans for the story that He had given me. After many conversations of me telling God that He had the wrong person for THAT job, I finally surrendered to it. It was then that I finally became excited about sharing my story! (That HAD to be God :) ) I began to pursue different avenues of starting this journey. I spoke a couple times, but it seemed that every time I got fired up about it life, fear, or doubt crept in and I pushed it to the back-burner once again. I tried to fill that void with other areas of service. I tried to serve the Lord in other areas that I thought He was guiding me into. And I learned from all of those experiences. I now realize that I learned that I may have been pulling a "Jonah". I was running from what God wanted me to do and replacing it with things I thought God would want me to do. Wrong. It was just in the last couple of days that I came to the realization of all of this. Crazy how things hit you like a freight train in what seems to be out of the blue! Through close friends, an introspective sermon, and the gentle whisper of the Spirit I have finally realized that I've been running from the very thing that God wants me to do. So....I'm making this commitment public so that I really can't back down from it now! You all are witness to it and I'd love your encouragement and accountability!

I am committing to sharing my story in whatever way, shape, or form God would have me do it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE sharing about Jesus! That was the clincher for me. When I finally realized that talking about Jesus is the thing that brings me the most joy, that sealed the deal for me. I am no great teacher by any means- nor do I even feel qualified to label myself as such- but I have been wrecked by the gospel of Jesus Christ and I want to use that for His glory. So if you know of anyone that is in need of a speaker and if I fit the bill for it, please let me know! (That was really hard for me to write. I'm literally having sweaty palms right now lol!) But in all seriousness, may God be glorified no matter what! Thanks friends for embarking on this journey with me! And if you think of it, please pray for me as I surrender to this call- whatever it looks like! God bless :)