So, I'm finding I'm not the best at being a regular "blogger". We've had a lot happen in the last month and I'm just not good at being consistent with this. But nonetheless, I will keep at this even though it may not be as regular as I hoped! We have a lot to be thankful for right now. We just moved closer to Dave's job and our church. Its so nice being so close to everything again! Love having our friends close by! And I just found out that I am STILL cancer-free!! It's been 3 years now! That's the longest stretch I have had yet! SO much to be thankful for!!
Yet despite all of that, I am still struggling to have a thankful spirit. Get ready for some brutal honesty people. There are days that I struggle to find the joy in motherhood. *GASP* I know, I know....that's a terrible thing to say. But let's face it. It's the truth. Now, don't get me wrong, I love being a mom! It was always my dream job. Its just also a lot harder than I anticipated. Ha! And there are days (especially lately) where I literally feel like I've ran a marathon at the end of the day. Motherhood is exhausting- physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm attempting my first year at homeschooling (which is not going all that well), running a household, and the mother of 3 precious children- one of which is a 3 year old boy that has been exerting his strong will as of late. There isn't a day that goes by lately that this mommy doesn't feel like an utter failure at the end of the day. But despite all that, I know that this is just a phase in life and that it won't last forever. I also know that in order to make it through, I need to look at my own heart and change my attitude/behaviors instead of trying to change my children's. Kids learn by example. So I know that I need to constantly be checking the example that I'm setting and make adjustments accordingly. Definitely easier said than done!
Life itself is hard. That is a fact and something that won't change until our Lord makes his appearance again. Even though that's true, he is a gracious God and gives many many moments of joy even though we don't deserve it. As I've been sitting here typing, my precious Luke climbed into my lap, after having a massive meltdown that included an "I don't like you Mommy.", he snuggled in and apologized (without prompting). Those moments are grace-filled blessings for me. They remind me of the joy that is in motherhood and life. They remind me too of God's great love for us and that he cares even about the small things. I'm so undeserving of his love, yet he lavishes it upon me despite it. Thank you, Abba, for your many displays of grace and love! So even though mommyhood may not get easier, I know that this is my calling and I will keep clinging to those "grace moments" and the joy that comes with it. And if you're a struggling mama out there, know that you are not alone! I'm not one that hides what I'm feeling or going through. I believe that a lot of our struggles are the very same. But we won't know that unless we share! So I hope you get some encouragement from my ramblings! May God give you "grace-filled moments" in abundance!