For those of you that have read any of my previous #honestymovement posts, you know that I've been upfront about my struggles as a homeschooling mom. To sum it up, it's not a love of mine. I know it's what God has called me to, but I struggle with that. And to be even more honest, I've struggled with my entire role as a stay-at-home mama. It's been something I've battled with for quite some time now, and I didn't even realize it. Those of you that have known me from a young age may be surprised to hear that. Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted to be just that- a wife and a mom.
Even though I've achieved my lifelong dream and desire, I felt like something was missing. So for the last handful of years, I have been trying to fill that with more roles hoping to find what I was looking for. But you know what? Each thing left me feeling frustrated, unfulfilled, and even more confused.
Why can't I be enough? What am I missing here? Why do I feel like I'm failing at everything??
Those questions have haunted my deepest thoughts for a long time. That has led to frustration, stress, feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately an unhappy home more times than I would care to admit.
But I realized something today.
I was really telling myself that Christ wasn't enough.
That one stung.
I was trying to do this on my own. And I was buying into the lies of our culture and the enemy by thinking that what I was doing wasn't valuable enough. Now, hear me when I say, the things I was pursuing were not bad in and of themselves. In fact, I still believe God is calling me to some of them. BUT they will not bring contentment and fulfillment. ONLY CHRIST WILL.
I heard a sermon today on Titus 2. I know that passage is a sensitive one to some. But why is that? Well, it's because we have bought into our culture's definition of what womanhood should be. And you know what? Our culture's definition is starkly different than that of Scripture's.
There's the other extreme though too. Some take this text out of context or twist it to meet their own agendas.
We have to go back to Scripture. We have to look back at how God designed things. He did it perfectly. We have to strip away the box that our culture has placed God's design in and get back to His original intent.
When we start to look at our roles according to what Scripture says and we ask God to strip away the lies that we are led to believe, then we are left with a beautiful picture of what things should be. And we are left with something else.
God has called us, as male and females, into specific roles. But He's also given each one of us different roles within that too. And in EACH one of those roles, we need to look to Christ for our fulfillment.
HE is the reason we do things.
HE is the source of our contentment.
HE is the reason for our joy.
HE is the reason we can fill roles that go against the grain.
HE is all that matters.
My husband saw it. He saw the struggle. But he didn't condemn me. He didn't try to dissuade me. He simply pointed me. He pointed me to Christ. God used him to gently open my eyes to this. And I'm so thankful.
You see, sometimes my stupid pride gets in the way. I get so frustrated with myself. I know the truth, but surrendering to it is a completely different story. But God's grace covers that. I can't even express how amazing that is...and how undeserving I am.
So what about you? Are you struggling with your role or purpose? Look to Jesus. His Word gives us all the direction we need. And honestly? I wrote this more for my own reminder than anything else. Because even though I have clarity right now, I know myself well enough to know that this battle isn't over. The enemy knows that too. But even though I will probably walk down this road again, I know that I love and serve the One who has won the war. So I will continue to fall into His generous grace and cling to that as I serve my husband and kiddos and wherever else He calls me. Thank God for grace!