My family and I live on an organic crop farm. I didn't grow up on a farm though. In fact, I was far from being a "farm girl" (My husband would argue that I still am!). However, I've learned a lot from being submersed in farm country. Granted, I still have much to learn, but I have picked up on some things.
One of those things is the importance of hydration. I know, I know....rocket science, right? I'm aware that everyone knows this simple fact. I did too, even before I moved here. But the thought entered my mind, this morning, thinking specifically about how grateful I am that we haven't had to worry about irrigating our crops. We've almost had too much rain this year. But I do have family members, that are farmers out west, that often have to irrigate their farms. Rain doesn't always come when they need it to, so they are forced to irrigate.
I thought about that. Forced irrigation. If you don't do it, you run the risk of losing your crops. Water is vital for the survival of whatever you are trying to produce. It's not optional...it's pertinent.
I then was reflecting on this recent season in my life, which has been difficult. And not in a way that I anticipated either.
One of my favorite songs is by Hillsong United entitled "Oceans". There's a section in the song that says this:
"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"
That's a really bold statement if you think about it. When you sing that, you're asking God to lead you somewhere that will test your faith. I really pondered that, after hearing this song. Earlier this summer, I made that my heart's cry. Because I want to know Him in ways that I never have before. I even sensed that there may be something big and even ominous coming a couple months ago and began to brace myself for what that may bring.
But I didn't expect this.
Friends, I've battled cancer (multiple times), we've been through job loss, we lost our home, death of loved ones, etc.
But this....this is different.
What is it? Menopause.
Now you may laugh. I would've....before. But now that I'm in it, I realize why women dread this. I'm sure it would've been bad enough on it's own, but add to it the fact that it was chemically induced and you open up a whole new can of worms. I'm 33 years old (pretty sure...it's hard to remember these days) and am forcibly undergoing a massive change that affects every. single. part. of my being. We are talking physical, emotional, and even spiritual. It's my own personal hell. (Pardon my french but there's no better way to describe it.)
Allow me to give you a tiny glimpse into what I mean. Things may appear to be fine. But without warning, I can go from feeling like I can conquer the world to being bed-ridden, feeling like I'm going to die- with the snap of my fingers. And that's just the tip of it.
I didn't expect this.
This is not what I braced myself for. I thought for sure it was going to be something else. But not this.
God is definitely taking me "deeper than my feet could ever wander". The worst part has been the emotional and spiritual battle that takes place continually.
You see, I came out of a season of growth and closeness with my Savior. I experienced Him in new ways this last spring/summer...and it was absolutely amazing. I know now though, that He was prepping me for what was to come.
Now I'm in a season where there are days that I can barely crack open my Bible. It's not all the time...but it's more than I would want it to be. But this morning, a thought hit me.
When we are in these dry seasons- where it seems like our soul is parched almost to the point of death- we need forced irrigation.
Our emotions lie to us sometimes- especially when you know that something is "broken". Mine have been lying to me a lot lately. So it's even more important to immerse myself in His presence....even if I feel like I don't want to.
Music has been an incredible blessing to me, especially in these moments. When I don't have the strength to read His words to me....I hear them in song. And even though relief may not immediately come, I continue to expose and root myself in truth. It's sort of along the lines of the "fake it 'till you make it" mentality.
I KNOW that if I force myself to hear truth it WILL nourish my depleted soul. And it does :)
So sweet friend...if you're walking a similar dry path, forcibly immerse yourself in truth! It will satisfy your soul even before you realize it :) And remember that this is only a season. It will change and you will know Him in a way you didn't before. I'm thankful for that...even if I don't feel like it right now.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" 1 Cor.12:9