Thursday, October 13, 2011

Blessings in the Raindrops (Part 1)

I've been thinking lately that I should write "my story" down somewhere. So, this is my attempt to share some of the things the Lord has done on my life journey. I hope and pray you are encouraged by them and that it spurs you towards the heart of our great God!! :)




"You have cancer."

Those were the words that came out of my dad's mouth on March 4, 2003, as tears strewn down his face. I can't imagine that was easy for him- in fact I know it wasn't. Now that I'm a parent, I can't even fathom being in my parent's shoes and having to watch, in horror, as my child suffered through a horrible and possibly terminal disease. I now know that it was harder on them than I ever realized.

About 3 weeks before, I had noticed a "knot" on the front side of my right shoulder. Now I didn't really think anything of it, mainly because of the fact that I have a tendency to be clumsy. I had previously injured that same shoulder about a half a dozen times before. I hadn't remember hurting it lately, but I literally thought to myself,

 "Great...I've gotten to the point where I don't even KNOW I've hurt it. How much more accident-prone can I get?!?"

So because I thought it was nothing, I did what most teenagers would do. I ignored it. Heaven forbid it should interfere with my social agenda! The following week I left to go on our youth group's annual ski winter retreat. I had a blast and really felt rejuvenated and even higher on my mountaintop with God! Life was so good! I got home and the next morning came out of the shower, puzzled. The knot had grown--- significantly. My friends had even noticed it protruding through my shirt over the weekend. So I finally decided that maybe I should mention it to my parents. That was the beginning of the whirlwind that consumed my life for the next 3 months.

My parents thought we should consult the doctor, so off we went to see our family practitioner. With sparing a lot of details, we finally ended up at a surgeon's office, who happened to be a family friend. He wasn't sure what it was either. He ordered more tests and said we would go from there. I will never forget the day I went in for the ultrasound. They scanned both shoulders. The left shoulder showed bright healthy muscle tissue and looked normal. But when the tech began to look at my right shoulder, all we could see was black. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I almost became ill. Even though the tech said nothing, I knew in my heart that this was more than a simple injury. This was going to be bad--- really bad. I ended up in surgery a few days later thinking and hoping that this would all be over soon and I could get back to life as usual.

Boy, was I wrong.

I came out of surgery late that night, so my parents thought it best that I not have visitors until the next day. I remember waking up the next morning and hearing the nurse having a conversation with my dad outside of my room.

"Have you told her yet?"

"(Sigh) No...I'm going to now."

My dad came into my room, pulled a chair up next to my bed, and sat down. As he grabbed my hand, I could feel the heaviness of his heart as if it were the walls of the room caving in under pressure. His shoulders slumped and then the tears began to fall. But as sorrow seemed to consume him, peace was washing over me. It was the strangest calm that I had ever had.

"Sweetie.......you....you have cancer."

BAM. Those words should have shook me to the core. I should have been beside myself with grief! No one would have blamed me. In fact, I know that my dad was expecting me to react that way. He was probably bracing himself for the floodgates to open and the "WHY ME?!?" to be thrown in his face. But the peace took over and all I said was...

"Its ok Dad. I know."

Now, my parents had purposely kept visitors from seeing me until they were able to talk to me (even though 2 of my friends snuck up the night before- but hadn't said anything). So you can imagine the shock that came over my dad when I said that. He began to get a bit frustrated and angry that someone had "slipped". But I reassured him that no such thing had happened. I couldn't explain how I knew. I just did. Well, I didn't know I had cancer. I just knew that it was going to be big and bad. I even surprised myself. I kept waiting for the reality of it all to sink in, but it never did really- at least not then.

I took on the attitude of, "how do we beat this?". And I rolled up my sleeves and prepared to wage war on cancer. Little did I know, at that time, what a war it would be.


I'm going to be writing this in pieces for several reasons. First of all, this is a bit emotional for me at times. I don't often think about the journey from the beginning. I've been so consumed with the daily journey, that some of this has fallen in the cobwebs of my memory. I'm excited though, to be able to share what God has done in my life with you all. Its been quite a journey! Plus, it has been a long journey. Too much for me to write in one setting! And finally, I really want the Lord to be glorified in this. So I want Him to be writing this. Not me. Thanks for reliving this with me!

5 comments:

  1. From Tricia Hooper:
    Hi Heather. I know some of your story but I didn't know all the details. My eyes got teary as I read this entry. I really think that you should turn all of this into a book once it is finished. You are brilliant with words! You make me want to keep reading and it is very uplifting how you've see God at work even through it all even though you had cancer! You are so strong and I am so glad you are healthy today to tell your life to others. It would really help, I think, other cancer survivors and patients :)

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  2. Heather, I can't imagine hearing those words ever, let alone at 16! You are such a strong woman of faith! I could only pray I would be as strong as you in this situation. I have never heard your story so I am so thankful that you are going to share it on here. I started reading this and my eyes instantly filled with tears. As a parent now too, I just can't imagine how your dad was able to come and tell you the diagnosis! I can't wait to hear the rest of your story. I think it is great you are writing it in segments for all of those reasons, but I agree with Tricia, I wanted to keep on reading! You do have a way with words. Thanks for sharing this!

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  3. Wow...yup, shed some tears on that one...bringing me back to that time...seems so far away, yet reading that takes me back to that place and those days....what a journey!! You have been through so much yet have been and still are an encouragement and inspiration to so many. I never one remember you complaining or feeling horribly bad for yourself. What a witness and encouragement!! And I agree...great writing! Keep it up!

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  4. Wow, lady! How I remember this all too well. I have been doing some writing myself bringing back my past as well. So it was very easy to move my mind to these days - and the days to come. You went through so much! I firmly believe that God knows exactly why you and I went through everything we did. Tears were shed while reading this. I remember sitting in the room listening to you speak at Liberty not too long ago (ok, maybe it was awhile ago because you were still pregnant with Asher! haha!). You truly did deal with a lot. You are an amazing woman, wife, mother and friend! Love you!

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  5. Heather, I am so glad you are doing this. I know God will heal and encourage you through it as well; but I am soo encouraged in my faith reading "His" story through you ;) Love, Marybeth (Key) Dewey

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