Singing Hallelujah

So I heard a song on my Pandora station this morning. It's one of those songs that hits you out of nowhere like a kamikaze deer that runs into your car. 

The song was "Hallelujah" by Bethany Dillon. It's a beautiful song, but it's the chorus that really stuck out to me.

"Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

Help me to sing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Whatever's in front of me

I'll choose to sing hallelujah"

Oh, God....I so desperately want that to be my heart. I want to be able to say that whatever comes...whatever is put in front of me....that I will sing hallelujah with confidence through it. But since I started this whole #honestymovement thing, I guess I should be completely truthful here...

That scares me.

Ok, so I have been down this road before...and that has been my heart cry as I've walked through some really tough stuff. But to be totally truthful, there are things that could happen that are a whole lot scarier to me then what I've already experienced. Now I'm not some hypocondriatic crazy person that dwells on all the "what ifs". But people, I have see close friends and family walk through some really tough doors and it has left me questioning myself at times with:

"Could I cling to my faith like that?"

"What would I do if that was me?"

There's are days where I don't like the answers that come floating back. The uncertainty is terrifying. And if my faith was in anything else....that would be my final answer.

But praise God it's not.

Sweet friends...I'm SO grateful that my faith is in the One True God....and that no matter what life throws at me....He won't leave me. There may be times that He allows things that feel like it's more than I can handle. But that's when I need to recognize my incredible need for Him. He will not abandon me. He won't abandon you either. After all, He paid an unmatchable price for you and I. He won't ever let go because His love for us is greater than anything else in this world.

But why don't we hear of this type of honesty more often? When did this false standard develop that says that in order for you to be a Christ follower, you have to have it all together/you're not allowed to doubt/you have to slap on a happy face and quote cheesy "christianese" and pretend that everything is fine???  You know, there are times in this journey that a mustard-seed sized faith is all we can muster. Life and circumstances can feel as if we are drowning and the pain is just too much to bear. But all we need to do is keep our eyes on our precious Savior. That's enough. He's enough. It's in those moments that we need to cry out to Him, immerse ourselves in truth, and cling to Him with all we have. And here's a newsflash for you: we can't do this on our own. We need Christ. So it's ok to admit that we don't have it all together....that our faith sometimes waivers in the storm....that sometimes the weight is too much. It's in those moments that our absolute desperate need for Christ is radiated. We just need to recognize it and lean into Him. 

We, as the Church, have the opportunity to be His hands and feet when our brothers/sisters are suffering. We need to be watchful for it. Intentional. We need to come alongside (and sometimes help carry) and run a stretch of this life journey together. 

And you know what? It's because of all that, that I can know with confidence that whatever comes...I can sing hallelujah. Sometimes my hallelujah may be shaky, messy, and weak. But that's why my heart cry is "help me to sing hallelujah". I know that no matter what comes, good or bad, I can't do it without Him. I'm so thankful for His grace and that He cares more than I could ever imagine. 

Hallelujah.